ODE TO A NED (anon.)

You giro blagging little fuckers
 Known to us as neds or muckers.

 Think all that "gold" makes you look rich?
 Well think again you rank wee bitch.

 Your ugly mugs and sharpened features
 Remind me of some mutant creatures

 From a distant far off land,
 Us decent folk can't understand

 Your need to wear your hat like that
 You simple minded little twat.

 So twiglette limbed and high of voice,
 You leave us with such little choice

 It seems to me our only plan's
 To infiltrate your vulgar clans.

 We'll raid the Barras in our flocks
 And confiscate those white sports socks!

 'Cause as we know, no self made ned
 Would let himself be captured dead

 Without the trademark tucked in trackies
 While shouting abuse at snobs and Pakis

 So if you want retaliation
 and want to help to rid this nation,

 Of filthy muckers, neds and bams
 Then join with me and have no qualms.

 We'll walk in safety after dark
 Through Maryhill and Kinning Park.

 To all of you I give my thanks
 Lets terminate these little wanks!